Kaelan + Ecstatic Self - Your Suffering Does Not Make You Holy
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I used to believe that if something was harder, it was probably better.
I’d wake up at 5 AM and meditate for three hours. Even while touring as an actor, I’d get up at 4 AM on almost no sleep because some part of me needed to prove how serious I was.
How devoted I was. How disciplined I was. How much I was willing to suffer for spiritual growth.
And I see the same mentality in fitness: if 30 minutes is good, an hour must be better. If a hard workout is effective, crawling out of the gym must be really effective.
But “Was this intense?” and “Did this actually serve me?” are two completely different questions.
I’ve done intense. I lived in an ashram for almost seven years. I’ve traveled around the world for retreats. I almost f'ing died on a glacier in Peru. I don’t regret those experiences. Some taught me things I don’t think I could have learned any other way.
But I don’t need to keep manufacturing suffering to prove I’m serious.
These days, I’m much more interested in enoughness.
Sometimes growth means doing the difficult thing. Having the conversation. Facing the fear. Staying when you want to run.
And sometimes growth means taking a nap. Eating the cookie. Getting off the f'ing cushion and going to live an actual life.
Discernment is harder than austerity because there’s no universal rule to follow. You actually have to listen.
I don’t need to conquer my body anymore. I want to be in relationship with it. And I don’t need an internalized guru constantly telling me I haven’t done enough to be worthy.
You are sacred. End of story.
The question isn’t how much you can suffer for your spiritual life.
The question is whether your spiritual life is helping you create a beautiful one.
Are you kinder? More patient? More forgiving? More alive? Do you love better? Do you have healthier relationships and boundaries? Can you experience joy?
I’m much more interested in those questions these days.
More intense isn’t always better.
#SpiritualGrowth #Enoughness #EmbodiedSpirituality #SelfCompassion #AuthenticLiving
I used to believe that if something was harder, it was probably better.
I’d wake up at 5 AM and meditate for three hours. Even while touring as an actor, I’d get up at 4 AM on almost no sleep because some part of me needed to prove how serious I was.
How devoted I was. How disciplined I was. How much I was willing to suffer for spiritual growth.
And I see the same mentality in fitness: if 30 minutes is good, an hour must be better. If a hard workout is effective, crawling out of the gym must be really effective.
But “Was this intense?” and “Did this actually serve me?” are two completely different questions.
I’ve done intense. I lived in an ashram for almost seven years. I’ve traveled around the world for retreats. I almost f'ing died on a glacier in Peru. I don’t regret those experiences. Some taught me things I don’t think I could have learned any other way.
But I don’t need to keep manufacturing suffering to prove I’m serious.
These days, I’m much more interested in enoughness.
Sometimes growth means doing the difficult thing. Having the conversation. Facing the fear. Staying when you want to run.
And sometimes growth means taking a nap. Eating the cookie. Getting off the f'ing cushion and going to live an actual life.
Discernment is harder than austerity because there’s no universal rule to follow. You actually have to listen.
I don’t need to conquer my body anymore. I want to be in relationship with it. And I don’t need an internalized guru constantly telling me I haven’t done enough to be worthy.
You are sacred. End of story.
The question isn’t how much you can suffer for your spiritual life.
The question is whether your spiritual life is helping you create a beautiful one.
Are you kinder? More patient? More forgiving? More alive? Do you love better? Do you have healthier relationships and boundaries? Can you experience joy?
I’m much more interested in those questions these days.
More intense isn’t always better.
#SpiritualGrowth #Enoughness #EmbodiedSpirituality #SelfCompassion #AuthenticLiving
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