Arcanyx Studios - Kerstyn Is Excited. Need feedback Astrid Players

One of the things that Serana will be providing you the player is a romance guide for Astrid.

It has a lengthy guide but I want to make it memorable and not something folks have to pull up >.> https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrimspecialedition/articles/7638

Here is the current skit :)Main Topic

Player: Serana, can I ask you something private?

Serana: That depends. If it’s about why I stare at your neck when you're sleeping, let's pretend you never noticed. Otherwise... sure. I'm listening.

This will open up to the following dialogue options

0. The Introduction

Player: Serana, can I have some advice on Astrid?

Serana: Astrid? The wild girl from Roscrea who looks like she eats broken glass for breakfast and chops heads off for cardio? Tell me, why are you so desperate to get gutted like a river salmon?

Player: She's just guarded. I was thinking about getting to know her better.

Serana: "Guarded." Gods, you’re hopeless. You catch one whiff of lethal danger and your brain immediately translates it to romance. Watching you try to charm a walking buzzsaw is going to be the comedy highlight of my century. Just... try to keep your guard up so I don't have to drag your corpse back to Whiterun.

Player: So will you help me or not? What do we even call this anyway? Dating tips? Battle training?

Serana: "Dating tips"? Boring. "Battle training"? Far too dignified for whatever disaster you're cooking up. No, look at you... flapping around in the dark, bumping face-first into cave walls, hopelessly lost until a real vampire takes pity on your sorry state.

Player: I am not flapping.

Serana: Oh, you are flapping, darkling. Blind, lovesick, and fluttering straight toward an open flame. You are officially my pathetic little Loverbat.

Player: Don't call me that.

Serana: Not a chance in Coldharbour, Loverbat. That humiliating title is yours forever. From now on, every time you draw your sword, I'm going to whisper encouragement to my fierce, lovesick little Ysgramor. Truly, the Five Hundred Companions would weep tears of pride watching their mighty conqueror pick flowers in terror.

Player: I'm not that clumsy.

Serana: You tripped over a cabbage cart in Solitude three days ago, Loverbat. Now hush and listen. Astrid doesn’t like you yet. Pulling her out of Bluewater Cave just means she owes you a debt. On her island, anything soft gets eaten alive. If you walk up to her looking all sweet and needy, she will punch your teeth straight into your throat. Don’t grovel like a kicked puppy, but don’t try to boss her around either. Walk beside her, act like you don't feel the blizzard, and make her wonder if you actually have fangs of your own.

1. The Dye & Her Past

Player: Fine. What's the first lesson, Princess?

Serana: When she needs mountain herbs, camp supplies, or dye for her tunic, fetch them with your own two paws. Don’t hire a courier like some pampered Jarl.

Player: Picking flowers? That’s your master strategy?

Serana: Don’t strain your tiny bat-brain, Loverbat; it’s not about the petals. She thinks relying on anyone makes her weak. Show her that keeping you around makes life easier without expecting a reward. And start digging into her past. Ask about Roscrea... what kind of frozen nightmare teaches a girl that smiling is a crime? Just make sure you remember every word, because if she catches you daydreaming, she’ll turn your ears into stew meat.

2. Eldergleam Sanctuary

Player: Will she ever stop being mad at me?

Serana: Eventually, you’ll end up somewhere quiet enough that she forgets to be furious at the universe for ten seconds. When she asks what you think of the view, do not give me that dopey grin and start complimenting the scenery.

Player: So I shouldn't say the giant sacred tree looks nice?

Serana: Dead wrong. Flirting with foliage is a tragic look, even for you. Look right at her and tell her she looks better than the view.

Player: She's going to hate that. She might genuinely break my jaw.

Serana: Oh, she will absolutely despise it. She’ll glare at you like she wants to turn your ribcage inside out, just to see if you run away screaming. Stand your ground—with your spine, Loverbat, not your fists. Don’t apologize, and don’t you dare squeak that you were "just kidding." Show her the war is over and she’s the only lunatic left brandishing a shield.

3. The Glacier Story

Player: When does she actually start trusting me?

Serana: When she tells you something completely useless. A childhood memory. The sea wind. A glacier.

Player: That sounds oddly specific. How do you know about a glacier?

Serana: Loverbat, when an immortal woman hands you advice to a barbarian's heart, you nod politely and shut your mouth. When she finally drops her guard, do not pounce on it to start flirting. The moment she thinks her childhood trauma is just your ticket into her armor, she’ll lock up and never speak to you again. Just shut up, listen, and let her have a quiet moment.

4. Speaking Your Mind

Player: When can I speak freely?

Serana: Find a quiet campfire after she’s bruised you up in training and there’s nothing left to butcher. Lay it all on the table. Tell her you respect her duty, but you've fallen for her. Straight up. No cheesy bard songs, and no bad poetry about stars.

Player: And then I lean in for a kiss?

Serana: Did a frost troll sit on your head, Loverbat? She already told you she smashed the last suitor's nose into dust, and your grand tactical maneuver is shoving your face straight into punching range?

Player: So... no kiss?

Serana: Oh, go right ahead! I’d love front-row seats to watching you get laid out cold in the dirt. But if you want to keep that nose looking reasonably attractive... and I admit, I've gotten used to it... say your piece, fold your hands, and let Astrid decide if she wants to kiss you or rearrange your skull.

5. Drinking & Brawling

Player: What if we have a few drinks?

Serana: Nord warriors drink, and when they drink too much, they fight. When she challenges you to a tavern brawl, leave your parlor tricks at home. No hidden daggers, no frost spells, and if you dare Shout her through a timber wall because she bruised your ribs, I will throw you off the throat of the world myself.

Player: What if she cheats?

Serana: Then take the beating like a sturdy little Loverbat and be glad you learned your dream girl is a sore loser before you put an amulet of Mara on her.

6. Beneath the Stars

Player: What if we do some star gazing?

Serana: If she leads you somewhere under the open night sky with nobody around, keep your hands to yourself. Astrid spends all day pretending to be an untouchable monster. If she sits under the stars and drops the act, you sit quietly, listen, and say "thank you." Don’t ruin a rare moment of peace by acting like a hyperactive hound.

7. The Fleece

Player:What should I do if I find her stolen fleece?

Serana: Hand it over, take three steps back, and freeze. Don’t hover. Don’t wait with puppy-dog eyes for a reward. She’ll know you gathered her dye, survived her temper, remembered her stories, and gave her room to breathe. Plans only open the door, Loverbat—you can't drag someone through it. Let her make the move.

8. Teasing SeranaPlayer: You know, you're enjoying my misery way too much.

Serana: Can you blame me? Watching a mortal try to woo a walking cleaver is pure theater. In fact, if she decapitates you, I might not even reanimate your corpse. It would only ruin the comedic timing. Now, what other doomed thought is bouncing around inside that hollow skull of yours?

Player: Did anyone ever court you like this?

Serana: Please. Mortals look at centuries-old pureblood royalty and generally prefer to keep their blood inside their veins. The ones who did try usually brought armies, dark pacts, or dowries of silver and land. Nobody ever brought me pretty mountain herbs or babbled about the scenic view—which is probably why they all died boring, violent deaths. But nice try attempting to deflect, Loverbat. Your disastrous love life is still on trial.

Player: If she actually says yes... will you come to the wedding?

Serana: Miss the chance to see my sweet little Loverbat sweating through his boots while a terrifying barbarian holds an axe over his head? I wouldn’t miss it for all the blood in Tamriel. I've already written my speech: "To the bride! May she never find out that her gallant Ysgramor won her heart by crying to an ancient vampire for basic dating instructions."

Player: Serana, please, don't you dare!

Serana: Oh, I dare, Loverbat. Now flap along and go pick her some pretty flowers before she finds someone with actual courage.