Sartak3 - TALK & UPDATES

Hello everyone..

First of all, I'm sorry for the lack of updates, and I'm really sorry for always making these kinds of announcements where I apologize for not posting much. I guess my head just hasn't been in the right place lately, since a lot of things have happened behind the scenes.

I've been wanting to communicate and open up to you guys about this for a while, but I just haven't figured the right words or the right moment to write it. Probably because I'm just bad at putting my own thoughts into words, and I feel too ashamed to talk about my problems or struggles to you guys. But I have to be completely honest right now and get this off my chest.

Lately, I've been dealing with a lot of art block. It's not an uncommon thing since I usually experience it from time to time, but it just keeps getting worse every time to the point where i just can't work or having a hard stuck on making my own story. At first, I thought maybe it was because I've been overthinking quite a lot of things for a while now, or maybe because of something external, like things that are going on in my real life OR maybe i got voodoed by someone, who knows. But after spending some time alone and really digging through my feelings without telling any people about this, I've realized that's not entirely the case.

I feel like sometimes I just don't like my own work, whether it's because of the pacing, the plot, or simply the feeling that it could've been a lot better if I had changed something out. I've noticed this because i recognized some of my behaviour pattern whenever i try talking to someone who generally likes my work. To clarify, it's not that I don't like making skinsuit/possession content anymore. It's more of an internal thing between me and myself, because sometimes i just hate myself for some odd reason, which i hope is just a phase in itself.

I feel like I've been way too harsh on myself by constantly criticizing and disliking my own work. Whenever I try to "improve", I usually fuel myself with some dissatisfaction and the mindset that my stuff is ass, which then leads me to compare myself to others and questioning my self worth.

After knowing how i've been operating all this time, i can see that this approach may have slowly been killing my joy and passion a little more each day without me noticing. I guess that explains why I often feel empty and unexcited whenever i try to work on my own new stories of my own or even more when i try to continue making another part to my older story.

There's also another funny thing of my reasoning about this whole mess is that, deep down there is a part of me that feels like i don't deserve your support. It's a bit weird and cringe on how it suddenly came up to me when i think about it, since i've been doing this for quite a while, but i really don't know how to elaborate on it. On top of that, I've been kinda observing on how quickly AI generated image have been improving in such a short amount of time, and i guess that's a bit unsettling thing for me in a way. It makes me feel like I need to force myself to improve even more, but i've realized that i'm doing all this in the most masochistic way possible, and it's only led to me barely making any updates at all. It also leads me to a loop where i just keep blaming myself for not giving any consistent updates to the people who supported me in the first place, which is honestly pretty dumb and impulsive...

So, here's what I'm going to do from now on.

I'm going to try to change my toxic mindset and approach moving forward by giving less of a damn about my own doubts or have more dignity/pride over myself, because one of the hard pills that i have to swallow is, at the end of the day, I'm just making a niche kink stuff so people could goon to it and it's not more or less than that. I feel i know it's not going to happen instantly, but I'll try to work on it little by little.

Secondly, I want to try making a more short form stories or maybe speechless instead of making a really long page manhwa length stories that take me so long to finish. Hopefully, this will allow me to make some updates here and there for a while rather than a long wait and then BAM ONE update and then me gone.

Anyway, that's all the key important things I wanted to say to you all. Sorry if there's a word that may or not offend you guys since English isn't my main language and again I'm sorry that I've made so many of you frustrated with my current lack of updates, but hopefully, everything will start changing for the better from the moment I post this announcement. I'm gonna take a break from worrying about what i couldn't control and just enjoy myself a little more in making my own story.

If you've read the whole thing until the end, I just want to say thank you for hearing me out and letting me ramble about all my pessimistic feelings all at once. And hopefully, you guys can take care of yourselves too during these difficult times.

-sartak3

Oh yeah, also i'm gonna try and post this story this month, as an apology for a couple months back: