Jackaloo - Jack’s Halloween Horror Nights Hollywood 2026 Review

Here's a new curveball for you in the Jack's Pack! Sometimes I feel compelled to write. Whether that's fiction, my own thoughts, or about something, it has to come out of me in one way or another. So since you guys are the highest tier and the ones who get the closest look at me and my life, I figured I might as well start sharing more, even if it's unrelated directly to furry! Feel free to ignore posts like this though if you're just here for the Jack smut ANYWAY.......

It's that special time of year again where we choke on the smells of latex-glazed resin and fake fog! Every year, my friends and I traipse through the hilly property of Universal Studios Hollywood for their annual Halloween scare-fest. It's an expensive exercise in endurance of the body and mind, and by that I mean how long you can handle shambling around slowly for hours on end and deal with the dumbest fucking people imaginable and their complete lack of spatial awareness. Alas, we do it for the love of the art of cinematic immersion.

I’ve ordered this from my lowest to highest ranking of the HHN attractions and why. These are my personal opinions and are by no means through any academic or professional lens, so take me with a grain of banishing salt! ALSO spoilers ahead, so don't read this if you wanna be surprised in your own walk-throughs!Without further ado, here's how it went:

I know that folks complained that the Blumhouse Terror Tram of years past felt like one big Blumhouse advertisement, but at least it provided some variety with different villains and sets to walk through. The park in itself is so oversaturated with Art everywhere that there truly was nothing new brought to the table. Don’t get me wrong, I can understand the appeal of the whimsical psycho, but too much of a good thing really dulls the taste buds. Their schtick for the entire tram was that Art loves... Christmas. Yes, I understand that it's a reference to one of the movies, but that's the end of it.That being said, I'm always a slut for getting a close look at the airplane crash site from the Tram Tour's War of the Worlds movie set. It fills me with dread and makes me faint with exhilaration (the same feeling I get when I look at sunken ships or other destroyed/abandoned things of large scale). Did you know that the torn-apart decommissioned 747 plane cost $60,000? That's like a brand new car nowadays. Somebody drop me 60k so I can buy a shitty old plane and have a Yellowjackets LARP for my birthday party.I'm getting off-topic- the point is, you stuck Art the clown in the lower lot of the tram tour and did nothing to top the year-round set itself. Also boo-hiss for not including Nope's set of Jupiter's Claim in the walk-through like in years past. Terror Tram, you've earned your spot at the bottom. Next!

"When a miracle embalming drug backfires, the Deville Family Funeral Home’s permanent residents rise from their graves dead set on terrorizing the living in this haunted house." This one I had a feeling I would personally find mid. Although I am fascinated by the death industry/mortuaries, I am deeply uninterested in zombies. I don't find them scary, I just find them gross, so I was mostly ready for a whole lot of yuck and boredom.One of my friends who works in horror attractions pointed out that she recognized SEVERAL stock props within the haunt. For such a prolific studio monolith to reach for commercial-grade decor that anybody could buy for their front lawn is a recession indicator at best and lazy at worst. The story was lacking, the rooms felt underdressed and empty, and even the scares were sparse. In a way, I felt kinda bad for the haunt. It was the Frankenstein's monster of the attractions; cobbled together with pieces of others, zapped to life, and left to its own devices with no evidence of love from its creator. I hope the studio will let this dead haunt rest in eternity after this.

I watched the first... three-ish seasons of Stranger Things? Until I realized I was no longer interested and ready to move on lol. That being said, I hold no animosity toward the IP either, so I didn't feel like my experience was with any negative pre-convictions.Babs and I were a bit handsy in this one (no, not in that way) as we kept grabbing the foam tendrils glued to the walls, which happened a LOT. This was a very square walk-through without a whole lot to look at or do. Majority of the walk were boxy walls they tried to cover up with texture, but not enough to hide the minimal structure of it all. The kitchen set was nice though, and the Vecna outfits were decent. Can't beat the soundtrack either! We pretty much left with a shoulder shrug and an "alright!" Not the worst thing in the world, but no contender for the upper half of the lineup.I would've trimmed the length this haunt and moved it somewhere else. It stood where FNAF stood last year, which blew the fucking doors off this one. I think they were out of their depth with the size of their space.

Girl! I was rooting for you, we were ALL rooting for you how DARE you! Guys, I was so excited for this one, I wanted it to be good SO bad. A Carrie-like revenge story where a 15 year old girl summons evil spirits to enact revenge on school bullies? Absolutely the fuck let's go! I could already see it in my mind... Well, maybe that's part of my problem. I could see it TOO well and it didn't match my expectations at ALL.This was the replacement for the repeat haunt Monstruos: Monsters of Latin America (which is a personal fav), so they had the same exterior.First of all, WHERE IS THE STORY YOU PROMISED ME? Upon entry, you're thrown into a dark bedroom with a singular kill (a family member?), then are led into other parts of the empty house with sparse random dead bodies, all clad in white. A lot of the decor is blatantly Dia e los Muertos. The only indicator of a Quinceanera is a couple of dithered used christmas present props thrown into one of the rooms. Okay?Listen, if I didn't know the "story" they advertised, I'd have just perceived this as a pretty cool Dia de los Muertos themed haunt and given it a higher rating. For what they were, the sets were pretty damn good (of course they were, given a lot of it was recycled from Monstruos my beloved).If I had any say in this, I'd have completely revamped the entire walk. The story needs to begin with an innocent quince party, decked out in decor, some partygoers, and foreshadowing of something sinister to come. The body of the walk needs to be actual peer actors being victims of the ensemble of monsters and demons. There were ZERO human actors, only masked monsters and a handful of prop bodies. You need some bloodied screaming teens in there to show what's going down! By the end of the walk, the same party set needs to be in SHAMBLES. Blood, body parts, broken furniture, the works. Then you finish off the guests with a final good scare of the birthday girl herself. This is my longest commentary because I had the biggest beef with it. Let me fix her! Everybody get out, we're starting over. I will mould this horror revenge haunt with my own bare hands if I must. It is an act of love dammit. Meet your own potential!

Yes, yes, we all know about the kink demons and the puzzle box. This was a highly-anticipated haunt for a lot of people, horny or otherwise, and I expect that this'll be one of the longest lines throughout the season.This one was ever-changing with nearly no repeat rooms! Even their corridors to break up the scenes had a good variety about them (take note, Stranger Things haunt). They had a decent balance of static sets, moving sets, and well-stocked with scare actors. Fans of the IP will walk away happy I believe.When the Cenobite looked at me and said "come to daddy", I watched my friend ahead of me nearly break her neck turning back with the DIRTIEST smirk. I'm sorry girl, that should've been meant for you!Hellraiser only gets ahead of Killcenera by a HAIR due to their more cohesive theming and story. Otherwise, eh. Good for what it was.

The exterior was VERY good. I loved the forest, overturned car, coyote animatronic, all that is right up my aesthetic alley. Now, I didn't see Evil Dead Burn (from what I can see, not many did and those who did didn't like it), so I probably can't fully appreciate everything contextually for what it's worth. However, as a clueless outsider, I deeply appreciated the attention to detail! When you have any interior scenes, there's STUFF. You know, objects and decorations you'd find in real households. I can't stand it when a haunt is underdressed and looks unlived in. I'm sure it's a pain in the ass for them to have to glue everything down because people can't be trusted, but it's worth it to me. The effort is acknowledged and appreciated.This was a shorter haunt compared to others, but they managed to make it count. The sound-bites were full of personality and purpose, which is a step above so many haunts with vague canned sinister lines. The balance of human actors, monsters, static bodies, and animatronics were good. The gang's all here! Hellraiser is this haunt's neighbor, but I gotta say, if I had to do one of those again, I'm entering Evil Dead Burn.

My bias returns again. I adore the whimsical 80's bullshit that is the set pieces for this campy cult classic. The costumes also matched the movie quite well! And who has a better theme song? Nobody, I dare say!The nature of their spaceship hides actor's boo-holes SO much better. The neon under blacklight had Babs going "I wanna decorate my room like this!" This was another set we had a hard time keeping our hands to ourselves. I bapped many a cotton-candy cocoon. And got squirted with water twice. Fortunately, it was just my torso, as my poor friend got it right in the damn FACE. I’m sure taking a facial in the Killer Klowns haunt is SOMEBODY'S fantasy, and I hope that happens for them LOL.My only nitpick was that I would've liked a more reserved space for the final alpha clown. His huge head scare was great, but he deserves more than that. I also would've included Big Top Burgers and the ice cream truck in the walk, two iconic things from the movie. But I'm also just very attracted to vintage logos/branding and belong in a cage for my aesthetic crimes. Whatever, dying on the hill of rating Killer Klowns high, despite HHN fan's contempt for the repeat attraction.

This was the end of our night, as we caught the last showing. We were more than happy to finally sit on those ass-numbing benches and rest our aching bodies.I'm already a sucker for the year-round show Waterworld. You can catch me hooting and hollering when they do the plane crash finale and sparks fly EVERY time.I gotta say, this was WAY better than I thought it would be, and I owe them an apology for skipping them every year. The lighting, music, fire, sparks, and gratuitous blood-splatter were top notch. Every stunt person deserves all the kudos, as I would get myself killed doing any of their flips, pitfalls, and punches.Babs and I sat politely with our dignified head-nods of approval as we watched a woman with 8-pack abs bludgeon and kill a corrupt politician. We love to see it. Purge, I will definitely see you again next year!

A surprising second place! I always have gone in on the "celebrity" haunts with some level of scrutiny. The Weeknd one was weird in a bad way, and the Wyatt Sicks was completely forgettable, save for the overdoing of STANK JUICE they pump into that area. Suffice to say, I was ready for another booger-ass haunt with an unnecessary pop culture plug. But guess what? Turns out, Ozzy was the right damn figure to build a haunt around. Finally!From train station to asylum to graveyard and more, they were able to pack a LOT in such little space. And the BAT ANIMATRONIC?? Holding Ozzy's severed head?? To quote my friend, "I just need five minutes alone with that bat". Not in a horny way, in an appreciative way. We're so goddamn starved for good decor and animatronics in these places, when one hits, it's such an art-nut.If I had to nitpick, they keep the audio loops just a little too close together (frankly, all the haunts are guilty of this). I don’t think we were meant to hear “ALL ABOAAAARD HA HA HAAA” as many times as we did while doing the moron shuffle through one of the sections in bumper-to-bumper foot traffic.Ozzy, you'd probably have loved this. I hope this is the beginning of Universal being more picky about celebrity haunts and choosing figures who actually fit the bill.

GODDDD OKAY OKAY. Okay. This one was horny. We did it twice. I'll be so real, there was never a question on who was gonna rank number one on this list by the end of the night. The Sinners haunt sucked me off, ate me out, and fucked me good.Hollywood was the only attraction to get the glowing eyes effect on the vampires, and my god what a grand slam for the effectiveness of the costuming. I would be such a MENACE wearing that out at night or in the dungeon. Another glowing shout-out goes to the simple but effective fireflies in the outdoor scenes. They were genuinely realistic moving and beautiful. All the wooden beams, walls, and decor were gorgeous too. I wanna fuck in the Sinners haunt PLEASE let me fuck in the Sinners haunt!This was also the only haunt that utilized TWO STORIES in one of the rooms! Being able to look UP for once and see action above our heads enhanced the experience tenfold. Every live actor was hot as hell thanks to the costuming and embodying the energy of the film. Whenever an actor would back away into darkness and you could ONLY see the clear glow of their eyes?? RAHHH biting the drywall chewing it uppp.Obviously this haunt had only "human" monsters, which grounded the experience a lot more, but to me that's what made it so immersive. You're at a level playing field with the environment, which allows you to lose yourself in it better. I hope this one returns again someday after a rotation. Universal, thank you SO much for doing this one!

Well, that's it! If you actually read this whole thing, thanks for reading, and I'd love to hear your own opinions. I'm not a diehard fan of HHN in itself, but I am somebody who deeply appreciates the art of practical effects and the magic of storytelling. So long as I save up for it every year and can afford it, you'll be seeing me every year creepin' on through~Happy (early) Halloween season everyone!