BobOfTheHedgeField - (SHRT - 21) The Petting Zoo is in Buisness
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Feat Achieved! Have Sex in an Alternate Form. +1 Silver Skill Ticket
Feat Achieved! Have Sex while increasing your Affinity with an Alternate Form. +1 Gold Item Ticket
Feat Achieved! Engage in Sex Therapy. +1 Gold Skill Ticket
A blanket wrapped around me as I sipped the tea. I was still a little bit sore from all the mind breaking sex from last night. Medea, amazing as always, cleaned up the entire room with relative ease.
When I reviewed my feats this morning, I made sure to tuck Rin in extra tight, and put a cold compress on her hips. The poor girl needed to get fucked by a bug monster in order to free herself from the shackles of cuckoldry.
At least I’m happy to help her with ‘Sex Therapy’ which honestly feels straight out of a porno. Though considering how kinky the sex was, and how she basically begged to get fucked by the Devil, I don’t know how effective the therapy actually was?
Maybe it was just letting her cut loose for a bit and getting to be less responsible? I guess I can ask when she wakes up. Hopefully she doesn’t get mad at me for slamming into her super hard.
“I apologize Shirou.” I lowered my head. I’d been a bad guest. I couldn’t refuse the horny, and thus I’d not only dirtied the room, I’d caused a disturbance. Furthermore, with everything at stake, was having sex really the right answer? Well, according to the Chaos gacha, yes- But that's beside the point! I have to be at least a little bit responsible.
“It’s alright-” He began, but I cut him off.
“It’s not Shiro.” I frowned, the post nut clarity lasted far longer than a single evening it would seem. “You took me to your home to keep me safe and recover. I took advantage of your kindness. As your friend, that isn’t okay.” I took a sip of the tea, muttering to myself. “You even made me tea.”
“Seriously, it's alright!” Shiro flinched, shaking his head with an awkward laugh. “You all had fun, that’s what matters.” I set down my cup of tea. Glancing up at Shirou. My eyes slightly timid, but mostly tired from the sheer insanity of the statement.
“Shirou, why do you believe that your happiness is less important than that of other people?” I nearly sighed, but I held it in. His eyes narrowed at my words, and Saber, wrapped in a blanket on the couch, glanced as well.
“I was saved by the greatest act of heroism I’ve ever witnessed. Even if the world is unfair like you’ve said, I still want to be a hero. I want to make others happy, and that makes me happy.”
“Why do it alone then? You know heroes have teammates right?” Saber nodded at that.
“It’s true Shirou. You don’t have to bear that weight alone. It . . . Never ends well.”
“Forcing that ideal onto others isn’t right-” He tried, but I wasn’t having it.
“You were inspired, Shirou. Let others be inspired too. That hero that saved you, if you could stand beside them and help them, wouldn’t you?”
“W-well yeah.” He grumbled. I downed the rest of my tea, a warm sigh leaving my mouth.
“We’re pretty much fighting for the sake of the world here. We don’t have room for unnecessary sacrifices. We have to win Shirou.” I stared into his eyes, my gaze crinkling slightly. “I want you to be the best man at our wedding Shirou. You aren’t allowed to die yet.” Partially because of his cooking skills, but he’s also just him. Yeah he’s been kind of useless, but he’s still a good person.
His eyes shot open, and he glanced down at the floor for a moment. Countless thoughts racing through his mind. Until he glanced at Saber, then to me.
“Alright.”
Guilt tripping him into staying alive truly is far too easy.
Feat Achieved! Assist in Forming the Reality Marble for another Person. +1 Platinum Familiar Ticket
“What the hell is a Reality Marble?”
“I don’t like Marbles. They drive people crazy.” Shirou muttered. I shrugged, I should ask Medea about that later, but for now, I should really go gambling! Explaining to Shirou that he is in fact crazy might not go over great right now, and I need the dopamine hit!
_________________
Rolling Silver Skill Gacha Ticket . . .
An Uncommon Skill!
[Uncommon - Throwing]
|Rarity:Uncommon|
You are fairly skilled at throwing a variety of objects with speed and accuracy, being able to land a stone on the head of a target from across the street without trouble.
_________________
This will be critical in my quest for throwing random objects at people. Such as various cabbages. I nodded to myself. With these Cabbages of mine, I will destroy all evils!
_________________
Rolling Gold Skill Gacha Ticket . . .
A Rare Skill!
[Rare - Adept Riding]
|Rarity:Rare|
You are very skilled at riding most mounts and vehicles, handling even unwieldy mounts such as supernatural beasts and overspecced vehicles with finesse, regardless of what kind of vehicle or mount it is, you can probably find a way to handle it.
_________________
I require a fighter jet. Or a horse. Maybe I could try riding Kitty? She’s on an adventure right now though, so maybe I could try Hydramon instead? Or maybe I just use a car. Honestly this is a weird ability to get. I don’t have a solid mount on hand.
Alright, next ticket! Item time! Feels like opening a Loot Box.
_________________
Rolling Gold Item Gacha Ticket . . .
A Rare Item!
[Rare - Demon Arm Caveliere]
|Rarity:Rare|
Devi May Cry - The Demon Arm Cavaliere is a fucking badass demon motorycle buzzsaw hybrid. This badass motorcycle converts the user's Energy into Infernal Energy that it uses as fuel to propel itself and go at great speeds. The Cavaliere can scale even walls and can split into a pair of large buzzsaws that can tear through opponents. It is a demon buzzsaw motorcycle, expecting anything more is too much. (Cannot be reverted to the original demon form, only functions as an inanimate Devil Arm)
_________________
Genuinely. What the hell? Not only is it a mount directly after I got Riding, it's also a DEMON. I have a zero percent chance of ever beating the Satan allegations. This is my actual first ability that is just straight up demonic. No guess work. No bullshit. Just straight up a Demon.
It even says it converts my energy into ‘Infernal Energy’ for fuel. I just hope it gets good mileage. If I’m going to be larping as the Devil, I’m going to be energy efficient at the very least! I don’t want to convert tons of the leyline energy under the city into demon juice.
That just sounds like a recipe for disaster.
_________________
Rolling Platinum Familiar Gacha Ticket . . .
A Legendary Familiar!
[Legendary - Mothra]
|Rarity:Legendary|
Monsterverse - Mothra is a flying Titan from the Hollow Earth. Mothra has extreme physical stats befitting her size, and incredible flying speeds. In addition, she is capable of sensing the weather and shape of the planet and creating hyper-durable silk that can restrict even titans. She is capable of manipulating her internal life force and the radiation with her for various means.
Mothra also has the ability to cheat death; whenever she is killed, she will return to her familiar space as an egg that will hatch in around a week.
_________________
Chaos Gacha. What the fuck? You can’t just give me a new mount that fits way more thematically with my entire build right after giving me the demon cycle!
I shed a single tear. Holding my hands onto my face.
“I really am destined to be Bug Satan.” Truly, the greatest tragedy has occurred: Rin was right about her madness.
Saber threw me a glance, her expression flattening with an extremely faint blush on her cheeks. Probably thinking of last night.
“If you ever become that form again, I shall be forced to do everything in my power to strike you down and suppress that form.” She cleared her throat. “Though I suppose now that you know my identity, you needn’t fear too much. Also, please send Caster my thanks.”
“What?” I raised an eyebrow. She did the same.
“For healing Shirou from the immense agony he suffered due to my noble phantasm.”
“Oh yeah, of course.” I know her identity? My memories are super fucked up from BIG BUG MODE ENGAGE, so I’ve got no clue what she’s talking about. Maybe Medea knows?
“You . . . Ain’t actually Bug Satan, right?” She pursed her lips. “Hm. ‘Ain’t,’ how quaint.”
“I really hope not.” My expression flattened. If this turns out to be a Solo Leveling situation where the system is just setting me up to being Bug Satan, I will crash out. “My powers are really weird.”
Zouken Matou, ‘Soon to be’ High Value Male
“Granddaughter. I see you’ve taken on a pet.” I sat on the nice chair as Sakura sat across from me. The large tiger purring being the far less notable aspect of her appearance. What was once a frail girl with deep trauma, was now a proper vessel for my plan!
“Indeed. Mr. Kitty is mine. Soon, I will have many more pets like him.” She smiled wickedly, crossing one leg over the other. I didn’t have any reason to tell her ‘Mr. Kitty’ is a girl, though the large cat didn’t seem to care much. “So far I have one cat, one dog, and one priest. Overall nothing too special. I still want that pet roach, and pet sword.”
Each ‘pet’ became more and more strange, but I wasn’t going to complain. My Granddaughter was taking lovers. She can help me continue the bloodline! The Matou family will rise again!
“Granddaughter. I will support you however I can.” I smiled, using the pick up artist smile taught to me. My worms in her body hadn’t been fully devoured yet, and as long as they existed, I could still influence her magecraft somewhat. As long as I can influence her, she’s still useful. That is the path of the Pick up Artist!
“Well my doggy is quite powerful.” She hummed, the shadow behind her bubbling up with a tattooed hand holding a red spear as a figure slowly came from the muck. The command seals on the back of her hand glowed faintly by the fireplace, and it quickly became clear. She’d become a Master. Though I doubt she realizes if I so desired I could manually activate her command seals through my worms.
“ Master.” The man- er, dog? Bowed. Lowering his head to Sakura like an obedient pet. A hollow look in his eyes, a deep fear and suppression in her presence, not even meeting my gaze.
“Puppy, paw.” He gently held up his hand, and she grabbed it, giving it a shake. “He’s very obedient.” She nodded to herself with a smile, mostly enjoying petting the cat who continued to purr.
My Granddaughter is kinky. Truly she lives up to the legacy of the Matou. It’s a shame I’m going to sacrifice her for my sex life and handsomeness, but its the duty of my Children to suffer for my own goals, so I’m sure she’ll understand when the time comes.
“He’s well trained. I’ll make certain no one outside of the war stands in your way.” I really don’t want the Clocktower on my ass for her doing whatever the hell she is doing. Then they’d figure out what I’m doing! They don’t take kindly to dead apostles. “I’ll exert the pressure I can externally, I know you’ll do well Granddaughter.”
AN: I genuinely don’t know what to say about this man. This world is INTENT on giving him Bug Satan powers. I thought Riding would be useless, but if he’s going to be given Mothra in the same scene, I guess not. Welp, Angry Mango is about to be put in a strange situation. Honestly Mothra isn’t very strong against him. Still, it IS Mothra, so I’m sure they can figure something out with the Titan’s help.
For anyone wondering why Sakura is already Dark form, its because of multiple things. First of all, this is Abridged, so she’s already kind of insane, plus getting her servant + Shirou stolen drive her pretty crazy. When Gilgamesh died, she devoured him completely, gaining so much power so fast she went Dark Mode.
Thanks for reading, and see you next time!
Feat Achieved! Have Sex in an Alternate Form. +1 Silver Skill Ticket
Feat Achieved! Have Sex while increasing your Affinity with an Alternate Form. +1 Gold Item Ticket
Feat Achieved! Engage in Sex Therapy. +1 Gold Skill Ticket
A blanket wrapped around me as I sipped the tea. I was still a little bit sore from all the mind breaking sex from last night. Medea, amazing as always, cleaned up the entire room with relative ease.
When I reviewed my feats this morning, I made sure to tuck Rin in extra tight, and put a cold compress on her hips. The poor girl needed to get fucked by a bug monster in order to free herself from the shackles of cuckoldry.
At least I’m happy to help her with ‘Sex Therapy’ which honestly feels straight out of a porno. Though considering how kinky the sex was, and how she basically begged to get fucked by the Devil, I don’t know how effective the therapy actually was?
Maybe it was just letting her cut loose for a bit and getting to be less responsible? I guess I can ask when she wakes up. Hopefully she doesn’t get mad at me for slamming into her super hard.
“I apologize Shirou.” I lowered my head. I’d been a bad guest. I couldn’t refuse the horny, and thus I’d not only dirtied the room, I’d caused a disturbance. Furthermore, with everything at stake, was having sex really the right answer? Well, according to the Chaos gacha, yes- But that's beside the point! I have to be at least a little bit responsible.
“It’s alright-” He began, but I cut him off.
“It’s not Shiro.” I frowned, the post nut clarity lasted far longer than a single evening it would seem. “You took me to your home to keep me safe and recover. I took advantage of your kindness. As your friend, that isn’t okay.” I took a sip of the tea, muttering to myself. “You even made me tea.”
“Seriously, it's alright!” Shiro flinched, shaking his head with an awkward laugh. “You all had fun, that’s what matters.” I set down my cup of tea. Glancing up at Shirou. My eyes slightly timid, but mostly tired from the sheer insanity of the statement.
“Shirou, why do you believe that your happiness is less important than that of other people?” I nearly sighed, but I held it in. His eyes narrowed at my words, and Saber, wrapped in a blanket on the couch, glanced as well.
“I was saved by the greatest act of heroism I’ve ever witnessed. Even if the world is unfair like you’ve said, I still want to be a hero. I want to make others happy, and that makes me happy.”
“Why do it alone then? You know heroes have teammates right?” Saber nodded at that.
“It’s true Shirou. You don’t have to bear that weight alone. It . . . Never ends well.”
“Forcing that ideal onto others isn’t right-” He tried, but I wasn’t having it.
“You were inspired, Shirou. Let others be inspired too. That hero that saved you, if you could stand beside them and help them, wouldn’t you?”
“W-well yeah.” He grumbled. I downed the rest of my tea, a warm sigh leaving my mouth.
“We’re pretty much fighting for the sake of the world here. We don’t have room for unnecessary sacrifices. We have to win Shirou.” I stared into his eyes, my gaze crinkling slightly. “I want you to be the best man at our wedding Shirou. You aren’t allowed to die yet.” Partially because of his cooking skills, but he’s also just him. Yeah he’s been kind of useless, but he’s still a good person.
His eyes shot open, and he glanced down at the floor for a moment. Countless thoughts racing through his mind. Until he glanced at Saber, then to me.
“Alright.”
Guilt tripping him into staying alive truly is far too easy.
Feat Achieved! Assist in Forming the Reality Marble for another Person. +1 Platinum Familiar Ticket
“What the hell is a Reality Marble?”
“I don’t like Marbles. They drive people crazy.” Shirou muttered. I shrugged, I should ask Medea about that later, but for now, I should really go gambling! Explaining to Shirou that he is in fact crazy might not go over great right now, and I need the dopamine hit!
_________________
Rolling Silver Skill Gacha Ticket . . .
An Uncommon Skill!
[Uncommon - Throwing]
|Rarity:Uncommon|
You are fairly skilled at throwing a variety of objects with speed and accuracy, being able to land a stone on the head of a target from across the street without trouble.
_________________
This will be critical in my quest for throwing random objects at people. Such as various cabbages. I nodded to myself. With these Cabbages of mine, I will destroy all evils!
_________________
Rolling Gold Skill Gacha Ticket . . .
A Rare Skill!
[Rare - Adept Riding]
|Rarity:Rare|
You are very skilled at riding most mounts and vehicles, handling even unwieldy mounts such as supernatural beasts and overspecced vehicles with finesse, regardless of what kind of vehicle or mount it is, you can probably find a way to handle it.
_________________
I require a fighter jet. Or a horse. Maybe I could try riding Kitty? She’s on an adventure right now though, so maybe I could try Hydramon instead? Or maybe I just use a car. Honestly this is a weird ability to get. I don’t have a solid mount on hand.
Alright, next ticket! Item time! Feels like opening a Loot Box.
_________________
Rolling Gold Item Gacha Ticket . . .
A Rare Item!
[Rare - Demon Arm Caveliere]
|Rarity:Rare|
Devi May Cry - The Demon Arm Cavaliere is a fucking badass demon motorycle buzzsaw hybrid. This badass motorcycle converts the user's Energy into Infernal Energy that it uses as fuel to propel itself and go at great speeds. The Cavaliere can scale even walls and can split into a pair of large buzzsaws that can tear through opponents. It is a demon buzzsaw motorcycle, expecting anything more is too much. (Cannot be reverted to the original demon form, only functions as an inanimate Devil Arm)
_________________
Genuinely. What the hell? Not only is it a mount directly after I got Riding, it's also a DEMON. I have a zero percent chance of ever beating the Satan allegations. This is my actual first ability that is just straight up demonic. No guess work. No bullshit. Just straight up a Demon.
It even says it converts my energy into ‘Infernal Energy’ for fuel. I just hope it gets good mileage. If I’m going to be larping as the Devil, I’m going to be energy efficient at the very least! I don’t want to convert tons of the leyline energy under the city into demon juice.
That just sounds like a recipe for disaster.
_________________
Rolling Platinum Familiar Gacha Ticket . . .
A Legendary Familiar!
[Legendary - Mothra]
|Rarity:Legendary|
Monsterverse - Mothra is a flying Titan from the Hollow Earth. Mothra has extreme physical stats befitting her size, and incredible flying speeds. In addition, she is capable of sensing the weather and shape of the planet and creating hyper-durable silk that can restrict even titans. She is capable of manipulating her internal life force and the radiation with her for various means.
Mothra also has the ability to cheat death; whenever she is killed, she will return to her familiar space as an egg that will hatch in around a week.
_________________
Chaos Gacha. What the fuck? You can’t just give me a new mount that fits way more thematically with my entire build right after giving me the demon cycle!
I shed a single tear. Holding my hands onto my face.
“I really am destined to be Bug Satan.” Truly, the greatest tragedy has occurred: Rin was right about her madness.
Saber threw me a glance, her expression flattening with an extremely faint blush on her cheeks. Probably thinking of last night.
“If you ever become that form again, I shall be forced to do everything in my power to strike you down and suppress that form.” She cleared her throat. “Though I suppose now that you know my identity, you needn’t fear too much. Also, please send Caster my thanks.”
“What?” I raised an eyebrow. She did the same.
“For healing Shirou from the immense agony he suffered due to my noble phantasm.”
“Oh yeah, of course.” I know her identity? My memories are super fucked up from BIG BUG MODE ENGAGE, so I’ve got no clue what she’s talking about. Maybe Medea knows?
“You . . . Ain’t actually Bug Satan, right?” She pursed her lips. “Hm. ‘Ain’t,’ how quaint.”
“I really hope not.” My expression flattened. If this turns out to be a Solo Leveling situation where the system is just setting me up to being Bug Satan, I will crash out. “My powers are really weird.”
Zouken Matou, ‘Soon to be’ High Value Male
“Granddaughter. I see you’ve taken on a pet.” I sat on the nice chair as Sakura sat across from me. The large tiger purring being the far less notable aspect of her appearance. What was once a frail girl with deep trauma, was now a proper vessel for my plan!
“Indeed. Mr. Kitty is mine. Soon, I will have many more pets like him.” She smiled wickedly, crossing one leg over the other. I didn’t have any reason to tell her ‘Mr. Kitty’ is a girl, though the large cat didn’t seem to care much. “So far I have one cat, one dog, and one priest. Overall nothing too special. I still want that pet roach, and pet sword.”
Each ‘pet’ became more and more strange, but I wasn’t going to complain. My Granddaughter was taking lovers. She can help me continue the bloodline! The Matou family will rise again!
“Granddaughter. I will support you however I can.” I smiled, using the pick up artist smile taught to me. My worms in her body hadn’t been fully devoured yet, and as long as they existed, I could still influence her magecraft somewhat. As long as I can influence her, she’s still useful. That is the path of the Pick up Artist!
“Well my doggy is quite powerful.” She hummed, the shadow behind her bubbling up with a tattooed hand holding a red spear as a figure slowly came from the muck. The command seals on the back of her hand glowed faintly by the fireplace, and it quickly became clear. She’d become a Master. Though I doubt she realizes if I so desired I could manually activate her command seals through my worms.
“ Master.” The man- er, dog? Bowed. Lowering his head to Sakura like an obedient pet. A hollow look in his eyes, a deep fear and suppression in her presence, not even meeting my gaze.
“Puppy, paw.” He gently held up his hand, and she grabbed it, giving it a shake. “He’s very obedient.” She nodded to herself with a smile, mostly enjoying petting the cat who continued to purr.
My Granddaughter is kinky. Truly she lives up to the legacy of the Matou. It’s a shame I’m going to sacrifice her for my sex life and handsomeness, but its the duty of my Children to suffer for my own goals, so I’m sure she’ll understand when the time comes.
“He’s well trained. I’ll make certain no one outside of the war stands in your way.” I really don’t want the Clocktower on my ass for her doing whatever the hell she is doing. Then they’d figure out what I’m doing! They don’t take kindly to dead apostles. “I’ll exert the pressure I can externally, I know you’ll do well Granddaughter.”
AN: I genuinely don’t know what to say about this man. This world is INTENT on giving him Bug Satan powers. I thought Riding would be useless, but if he’s going to be given Mothra in the same scene, I guess not. Welp, Angry Mango is about to be put in a strange situation. Honestly Mothra isn’t very strong against him. Still, it IS Mothra, so I’m sure they can figure something out with the Titan’s help.
For anyone wondering why Sakura is already Dark form, its because of multiple things. First of all, this is Abridged, so she’s already kind of insane, plus getting her servant + Shirou stolen drive her pretty crazy. When Gilgamesh died, she devoured him completely, gaining so much power so fast she went Dark Mode.
Thanks for reading, and see you next time!
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