Kiwi render shenanigans and stuff - Feeling lonely

'm sorta in this weird stage of my life, I don't know what is or isn't true. what I do and don't want. what I could or couldn't have done better. I hate not being able to take back how I've acted at my worst, how I failed to be honest with how things hurt me sooner, I've almost entirely ruined some of the closest connections and friendships due to how rapidly things spiralled this year, I'm far from a single blame but I'm not innocent either, I really just wish I could explain everything the way i've seen it, and go back to some sembelence of the me I was when I felt like I had finally won at life and had a future I was ready to work on. I miss the me i was a year ago.