Rosie - Better With You • Chapter 6 • 4.3K

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He shouldn’t be doing this. He shouldn’t be here, but the moment he steps into Jeongguk’s house all tension in his body dissipates. 

The calming scent of sandalwood and amber, Jeongguk’s house always has some sort of diffuser on, Jimin should really get one of those for his own place too.. just so he can recreate this feeling. 

Their coffee cups from this morning are still on the counter, right next to each other, a cute matching pair. 

How domestic.

He turns to Jeongguk then, fully aware he didn’t leave any stuff behind.

Jeongguk clears his throat, averts his gaze.

“You can just sit on the couch hyung, I’ll make you something to drink first, then I’ll get your stuff.”

Jimin darts his gaze between Jeongguk and the couch, awfully aware of what happened on it last time they were on it. 

Ah, this was a bad idea after all. 

His heartbeat picks up steadily, and as he finds Jeongguk’s sparkling dark brown eyes he gives a small apologetic smile.

“You know I can’t stay, right?”

“No— No I know.” Jeongguk nods quickly. “I’m just offering you a drink while you wait. “

Jimin blinks once, keeps his comment in. As if he could ever argue when Jeongguk looks at him like this; the glint in his eyes practically begging him to stay a little longer, just a few minutes.

His chest clenches, and he just nods. 

“Yeah, okay, I’d like a drink.” 

“Okay, good.” 

Jeongguk immediately goes for the kitchen, while Jimin just stands there for a little while longer. 

This is what every day would look like, probably, if they were together. Coming home together, exhausted after another day of recording, to Jeongguk’s big house where no big lights are ever allowed on. 

It wouldn’t be long before someone picked up on it, though. A group member hanging out at another group member’s place a few times isn’t something that would make the news, but a group member leaving and coming home together every single day? Some depraved paparazzi will find out.

Even though Jeongguk’s house is almost a bunker with how few windows he has, the ones that are there could never even be opened. Publicly moving in together would raise even more questions. 

Why is he giving this any thought?They already concluded this whole thing can never happen.

He sighs, takes a few slow steps towards the couch and sits down in the comfortable corner with a low groan. 

Jeongguk laughs softly behind him.

“Tired?”

“Mm.” He tips his head back against the edge, stares at the ceiling. “I could fall asleep right here.”

“You can nap for a bit if you want.” Jeongguk comments. “I’ll wake you up in half an hour.” 

“No, no, I really shouldn’t.” 

His eyelids sink, the calming scent of sandalwood intrudes his senses. If he just rests his eyes for a bit, that isn’t a crime, right? Only for a minute or so.

He jumps when something nudges his side.

“Huh—“

“Hyung, it’s been half an hour.” 

Fuck.

He blinks a few times, mind too slow to catch up. Didn’t he just close his eyes like a second ago? 

Jeongguk hands him a cold drink, it’s a big glass filled with ice cubes and a light green drink, mint leaves and lemon slices in it, a straw.

“I saw some calming iced tea recipe online that’s supposed to be good for your throat.” Jeongguk grabs his own from the glass coffee table. “There’s no alcohol in it though.”

“Mmh, no, that’s okay. We should probably—“ He clears his throat. “I should probably not drink, so.”

He rubs his eye with his other hand, but something catches his eye on the coffee table. There are a myriad of bites, toasts and dips, nachos, popcorn, all stalled out in front of them. 

Is he dreaming?

“I.. thought you might wake up hungry, so.” Jeongguk points over his shoulder at the kitchen. “I had some leftovers and stuff.”

Jimin looks over his shoulder, finds the entire kitchen a mess, the oven still whirring. Then he looks back at the food in front of him. None of it seems like leftovers, everything seems fresh, there’s even homemade guacamole next to the nachos.

“I might have gone overboard.” 

Jeongguk mumbles softly, takes a sip of his drink. 

Jimin blinks a few more times, quietly takes a sip as well. It’s mildly sweet, a little sour too, that mint cools down his throat a little. Jeongguk really is amazing at these things.. he’d make a great partner.

A sad little smile plays on his lips as he slowly puts the glass down on the small table. 

All the food, all that preparation, all the effort..

“Jeongguk-ah..”

“I think your stuff is upstairs, I’ll look for you.” Jeongguk gets up right that second. “Eat something.”

As Jeongguk walks off Jimin just sighs. He can’t be hanging around, yesterday was supposed to be just one night, a slip up. They’re dragging it out now, which will just make it hurt more. 

While Jeongguk is upstairs he can’t help himself though. His stomach growls, and he dips one nacho into the guacamole, takes a bite. 

Yeah, this is simply unfair. When did Jeongguk get so good at this? Back when they all lived in the dorm it was mainly Seokjin cooking for them, ever since Jeongguk lives alone he’s really upped his cooking skills. Not that nachos are particularly challenging, but just the amount of effort he put into it.

Jeongguk comes back downstairs with something in his hands, it looks like clothes. 

Did he actually leave stuff? 

“I couldn’t find it but, these are yours right?” 

Jeongguk hands him a shirt and sweats.

They’re not his. He never buys this brand, these are Jeongguk’s old clothes, from when he wasn’t so — he darts his eyes up at Jeongguk’s chest once — bulky.

Clearly, Jeongguk knows they’re not his by the way he’s shifting his weight, gnawing on his bottom lip, light blush dusting over his cheeks.

Fatal.

Jimin clears his throat, unfolds the clothes anyway and takes a better look.

“I think they’re yours.” 

“Oh really?” Jeongguk does a terrible job at sounding fake surprised. “Maybe they’ll fit you though.”

He almost chuckles, has to bite his lower lip. The motive is more than clear now; popcorn, nachos, drinks, comfy clothes, the couch, right in front of Jeongguk’s big tv screen. 

“You should try them on.” Jeongguk comments, voice a little breathy, as if he’s trying so hard to make it sound casual. “I’ll take one more look upstairs, I really think there was some stuff you left in the guest room.”

“Jeongguk—“

“I’ll be right back hyung.” 

Once again, Jeongguk walks up the stairs without letting him finish, and he just gives up with a sigh, though the corners of his mouth curl up. 

Fine. The food is too good to pass up, Jeongguk put way too much effort into all of this, he can’t just leave. And if he’s going to eat anyway he might as well wear these comfortable clothes. 

So he changes right there, pulls Jeongguk’s old t-shirt over his head that’s still a little big on him. It smells like a mix of sleep and Jeongguk, clean and soft. And while Jeongguk is upstairs pretending to look for stuff he didn’t leave behind he brings up the collar to his nose and inhales deeply.

A soft groan slips past his lips, eyes flutter shut. 

Yeah. He’s so normal about Jeongguk.

“Huh.. I can’t find it right now.” 

Jeongguk’s voice comes from the staircase, so Jimin quickly pulls the shirt back down, clears his throat.

“No?”

“No, maybe I put it somewhere.” Jeongguk walks back into the living room, changed into sweats and a shirt as well, rubbing the back of his head like a profound clueless actor. “I’ll probably remember later.”

Sure. 

He doesn’t say a thing, and Jeongguk avoids eye contact when he sits back down on the couch next to him. In the other corner though, leaving a space in the middle. 

“Maybe in the meantime.. we could like watch something.” Jeongguk shrugs, tv remote already in his hands. “What do you think hyung?”

What does he think?

That Jeongguk successfully trapped him. His body is already warming up a little, completely relaxed against the soft pillows of the couch, he’s got food drinks and his favourite person all within arm’s reach with the sound of rain hitting the windows. 

“Yeah.” He nods, just gives into it. “I mean, one movie isn’t so bad right?” 

Even though Jeongguk’s face barely changes, it just lights up, his shoulders lose that tense-ness, a very small smile appears on his lips. He’s already going through the movie catalogue.

Most of Jeongguk’s recommended movies are romance or romcoms. And while Jimin is into them too, watching one now would really just make him feel worse. 

Without even having to say it, Jeongguk skips over the love genres, lands right on horror. 

Oh god he’s not too much of a hero when it comes to these, but Jeongguk glances over at him, raises a brow.

He nods— cause for some stupid reason he doesn’t want to admit that he can’t really watch them. It’s a pride thing. Probably only Taehyung knows he’s scared shitless whenever he watches one. 

But whatever, scary is a good thing. Scary is better than romantic. He’ll just focus on the food whenever it gets too much, laugh it off.

At least, that is the plan, but as soon as the movie starts he’s pretty immersed. Could just be the way Jeongguk explains little filmmaking effects in between the scenes, things that he picked up on when he was making his golden closet films. 

Could also be the way he gets teleported back to Tokyo when Jeongguk mentions his golden closet films. 

Their first trip together. It seems so long ago when they roamed the busy streets together, walking for ages trying to take it all in before going back to their hectic lives. Their Disney getaway, the hotel they stayed at, where they’d stay up all night just to make it last longer.

He was crushing on Jeongguk so fucking hard then, even now it makes his face burn up. It’s probably too difficult now, to go away together again, to travel together. 

Ever since then they’ve only grown more and more popular, going out without some sort of cover or guards is extremely difficult. There won’t really be another time quite like that Tokyo trip, just the two of them.

Even though he’s not even watching, the sudden loud music catches him off-guard, makes him jump a little. 

“Fuck.”

Jeongguk chuckles from the other side of the couch.

“Thought you weren’t scared?”

“I’m not.” He goes for the nachos, keeps his eyes fixed on the table. “It’s always the music.” 

“Uh-huh.” Jeongguk leans forward a little too, goes for the popcorn. “I feel like you told me once you don’t like scary movies.” 

“Did I?” He swallows, glances over at Jeongguk. “I mean they’re not my favourite, but..”

“Mm.” Jeongguk’s gaze locks with his own, playful twinkle in his eyes. “If you want to watch something else—“

“I’m fine.” He waves his hand dismissively. “It’s fine, just the music, as I said.”

Jeongguk holds eye contact a little longer, draws out a “sure” like the brat he is. 

Is this is end goal? To make him scared? Or does Jeongguk expect him to cuddle up to him on the couch? Cause that is kind of tempting. He won’t lie. Jeongguk is leaving enough space for him to just press up against his side if he wanted to. 

But no. 

If he ends up there, then he’ll end up doing other things and then he’ll have to go through that whole process of accepting they can’t be anything all over again. He got through the night yesterday without slipping up, he can make it through this impromptu movie night too. 

This is no different from when they were still friends. When they were in their hotel room in Tokyo with that see-through shower he also had to keep everything in. He’s always had to control himself around Jeongguk ever since he developed his crush.

It’s just that he knows Jeongguk feels the same way now.

His cheeks burn up again, heart skips a beat even though Jeongguk confessed a while ago. 

We were never really friends.

He stares at his hands in his lap, a tingling sensation spreading through his body. 

Maybe the words just never really got any space to breathe, packed between but it doesn’t change anything and we can’t be together. Maybe that time he couldn’t really fully wrap his mind around it, that Jeongguk feels the same, that it was never casual between them.

It feels pretty useless to experience it now, on Jeongguk’s couch, with a stupid scary movie playing, but it might just be exactly the right environment, the place where his work mind shuts off, where comfort is all around.

Yeah, no, he was wrong. It’s way more difficult to hold back now compared to before. Not even half an hour into the movie and he’s already sweating.

He takes a deep breath, brings his eyes back up to the screen. He can do this. One more hour and then he’ll just immediately call a cab home, no more falling for these traps.

“Are you cold?” 

He blinks once, turns towards Jeongguk, who has a little fluffy blanket draped over his lap. He’s lifting the corner of it, a clear invitation. 

This has got to be the most obvious trap of all, and yet his body moves before his brain can come up with an argument. It only registers once he’s settled against Jeongguk’s side, under the comfortable blanket. 

Shit.

This evening is not getting any easier. 

Jeongguk’s body is warm, and that wouldn’t be a problem if he had actually been cold, but he isn’t, never was. His skin breaks out in sweat under the blanket, but he doesn’t want to move. Not when he’s pressed against all hard muscle, not when Jeongguk wraps his arm around his neck after he stretches— the oldest trick in the book.

It’s too much.

His heart is beating in overdrive. 

For the rest of the movie it’s a constant high ring in his ears, just an error that won’t go away unless he does something about it. He stares at the screen but nothing really processes, the only things that do process are Jeongguk’s raspy voice whenever he says something, and the light caress of his fingers over his shoulder.

It’s like he’s in a trance when the credits play. 

He doesn’t want to move, he doesn’t want to leave this safety, this warmth. 

“You good, hyung?” 

Jeongguk’s breath fans against his ear, makes all the hairs on his neck stand up straight.

He shudders, nods, then shakes his head. 

“I’m good— just..” He can’t find the words, decides to go for the obvious. “Guess it was a little scary.”

Jeongguk breathes out a soft hum, rubs over his shoulder.

“We can watch something else if you want, something light.”

“No— no it’s quite late.” He forces the words out. “I should probably call a cab.”

Jeongguk stiffens, and for a few seconds they just sit in silence. 

It shouldn’t feel this bad. He already told Jeongguk he can’t stay, that yesterday was a one time thing, they can’t keep stretching this moment. 

And yet, he stays glued to Jeongguk’s side, makes no amends to get up, plays with the soft blanket in his hands. The thing is, it’s got to be him who makes the decision, Jeongguk has never been one for rules, he’s irresponsible to the core especially lately.

“But I haven’t remembered where I put your stuff yet..” 

Jeongguk’s tone is already a tad more pouty, pulling on his heartstrings.

“That’s okay.” He lifts the blanket, moves Jeongguk’s arm off of him with great reluctance, then stands up. “When you find it you can just give it to me at work.” 

Okay, that was the hardest part. Now he just needs to gather his stuff and get out. 

“But hyung— it’s already way too late.” Jeongguk stands up as well. “You could just sleep over—“

“You know I can’t.” He says, glances at the clock. “And it’s only eleven, it’s not that late.” 

Jeongguk stares at him, bare-faced, eyebrows furrowed, the corner of his mouth pulled down.

“It’s not that weird for you to sleep over, you used to sleep over all the time.” 

“That was before all of this.”

“I know but we’re still— we’re not doing anything wrong by just hanging out.” 

Ah..

Technically that’s true. Jeongguk is right, hanging out together is not a crime but the longer he has to look at Jeongguk in that tight sweatshirt the more likely it is that it will become a crimescene. 

“The past month we were both miserable when we ignored each other, are you saying you want to go back to that?”

“No— no, I’m not saying that.” He shakes his head, sighs. “But I also can’t camp out at your house, that’s not going to—“

“Why not?” Jeongguk takes a step closer, dark brown eyes a little more intense. “We used to live together, what’s so weird about staying over now?”

Jimin blinks once, twice.

“We all lived together. Not just you and me—“

“It’s not so different though. The guest room can be your room, we’ll live together like we did in the dorms.” 

This is why he shouldn’t have come over. Not even a few hours here and they’ve gone from have one drink while you wait to we can live together again.

And god, it’s so fucking tempting.

“But my— my house—“

“You can keep your house, I don’t mean legally move in with me but— just.. stay.” 

Just stay.

He swallows, can’t look into those glistening dark brown eyes for too long or he’ll cave instantly. Why is he bargaining over this in the first place? 

“You know it’s a bad idea, we already wrapped up this conversation—“

“We never even had the conversation.” Jeongguk takes another step closer. “We just skipped right to the conclusion, even though—“

“Yeah because we both know we can’t be anything.” Jimin points at the both of them. “There are so many factors at play, if we got together it wouldn’t just be something between us, we’d put a lot of others at stake.”

“I know that.” Jeongguk’s eyebrows knit together even more, jaw sharp. “But can’t we just for one second think about what we want?”

Jimin opens and closes his mouth. The rain taps lightly against the window, soft blue light of the tv lights up half of Jeongguk’s features. 

“Like, I don’t know, what if we just see if anyone would notice us living together?” Jeongguk starts. “I bet we could keep that a secret easily.”

“But even if we pull that off..” He indulges, even though he should shut it down. “We can only ever be together here. Everywhere else cameras will be on us.”

“We can still go out together, we just can’t show much affection in public but that shouldn’t be too hard.” Jeongguk looks down, stares at the floorboard hard, gnaws on his lower lip. “I bet we could get away with it.”

A sliver of hope fills his system, something he should probably kill instantly, but it’s so pure, and after a month of misery it’s like a light at the end of the tunnel. He almost doesn’t dare grasp it.

“What about military service?” He brings up softly. “We won’t see each other for a year and a half.” 

“Unless we try to enter the buddy system.” Jeongguk looks up, determined. “We would serve together, wouldn’t have to be away from each other.”

“But that’s a lottery system, we don’t know if we’ll get through it.”

“isn’t it worth it to at least try?” 

Jeongguk poses the question, and Jimin feels himself get just a little lighter. 

“I mean, would you rather not try at all just to be safe, or take the risk with me?” 

That’s the exact thing that he fell for in the first place. The stars in Jeongguk’s eyes, the motto he lives by, the one Jeongguk proudly told him about so many times “I’d rather die than live a life without passion” accompanied by his bold, brazen attitude. 

He’s a little breathless as he stares back at Jeongguk, from one eye to the other. 

“I’d rather take the risk.” He admits on an exhale. 

Jeongguk’s eyes light up even more, but before he can say anything Jimin holds up his hand.

“But even if we get through that lottery and we end up being able to serve together, it’s risky for me to stay over at your place all the time.”

“Risky but not impossible.” Jeongguk’s hand finds his own. “You can stay at your own place occasionally, and if anyone spots you at my place it’s not that weird, we’ve always been close.”

Warmth spreads from where Jeongguk’s fingers  intertwine with his own, through his entire body. And even though he wants to just let go of all fear and agree with everything, there’s still a seed of doubt.

Even if they manage to keep it a secret, and that’s a big if, what if a big fight breaks out between them? what if they break up? under a contract like theirs he can’t just quit, he can’t avoid Jeongguk either, and he doesn’t know how good he is at pretending everything is fine.

What will they tell their parents? Their families? What if paparazzi spots them and it becomes a huge deal? Won’t that put shame upon everyone? Won’t they put their friends and families and the group at risk for harassment? What if it all just doesn’t work out?

He can’t voice any of his thoughts, not when Jeongguk looks at him like this; his gaze so sharp through the strands of his black hair. Not when they naturally play with each other’s fingers while holding hands.

He’s so weak.

“Let’s just try, hyung.” 

Jeongguk’s voice comes out soft. 

His throat gets a little tight. On one hand he wants to agree, but he’s got to be realistic too, this life isn’t a fairytale. 

“If you’re still doubting please at least just stay tonight.” Jeongguk squeezes his hand right as he was about to let go. “I won’t lay a hand on you I promise, I just— I just need you to stay.”

Fuck.

His eyes prickle a little, and he blinks a few times until it ebbs away. 

Jeongguk has never quite looked this desperate in his life, eyes almost black, lights shimmering in them like the stars on a clear winter night. 

“Okay.” He squeezes Jeongguk’s hand too. “I’ll stay.”

Tension slowly leaves his body as Jeongguk’s gaze softens. 

“You will?”

“Yeah, I— I mean in the guest room.” 

“Yeah no— that’s fine, as long as you stay, anywhere is fine.” 

Good.

He nods once, then slowly lets go of Jeongguk’s hand. It’s a bad sign that a second later he already misses that little bit of intimacy, but he pushes it down. 

“I think we should talk about it more, in the morning.” He proposes. “I can’t think clearly at this time of day.”

“Yeah, yeah that’s good.” Jeongguk nods along, almost like a puppy. “I can make you breakfast, some good coffee too.”

Ah— this guy really just.. doesn’t know what he does to him when he says these mundane, domestic things. 

He bites on his tongue, tries to hide the way his cheeks burn up by just nodding along. 

“Breakfast would be nice.” 

Hope glints in Jeongguk’s eyes, the corner of his mouth pulls up the slightest bit but then he quickly clears his throat, acts serious.

“Okay, then— I’ll clean up here, you can get ready for bed, and I’ll wake you tomorrow morning.”

Jimin blinks, can’t bring in anything else as Jeongguk starts to bring back the dishes from the coffee table to the kitchen. 

It’s ridiculous, that this is making his heartbeat pick up. An evening routine, a promise of breakfast, Jeongguk telling him to get ready for bed. 

As he walks up the stairs he can barely manage all of his emotions. On one hand everything is almost too heavy, there is so much they haven’t talked about, there is so much at stake, and on the other hand when he sees his spare toothbrush next to Jeongguk’s, a matching pair, his stomach erupts with butterflies.

In the morning, maybe everything will be more clear, maybe if they open up more about the difficult topics, it could get better.

But for that, he’s gotta survive the night first. 

Which would be less of a problem if Jeongguk didn’t walk inside the bathroom twenty minutes later, no shirt in sight, coming up right next to him to brush his teeth. 

Jimin can only stare, wide-eyed, at the sleeve tattoo curling around Jeongguk’s arm and shoulder, the patterns licking over his pec. Jeongguk’s extremely well-trained body all on display, one hand in his sweatpants pocket, so casual. 

When he looks up he makes direct eye contact— and fuck.

His throat runs dry, he tips his head down at the sink instead. 

Jeongguk may have promised not to lay a hand on him but he’s not so sure he can keep that promise the other way around.

“I— I’ll just—“ He points over his shoulder, walks backwards towards the door, stumbles into it. “Oh— sorry, okay, I’m— I’m off.”

He cringes at himself, speedwalks through the hallway towards the guest room, and pretends he doesn’t hear that undertone in the “night hyung.” that follows him there.