bigstories - Poffin Type- Part 2

"Luscious" Luc Machiano receives even more attention for his baking skills, and that talent seems to grow as much as his waistline does. Enjoy!

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GOLDENROD CITY- It is an old chestnut, and, one suspects, a very common excuse for the near-constant shortage of chef jackets and apron strings above an XL that one should never trust a skinny chef. It is not a large leap of logic to assume that one should also not trust a skinny baker. If this is the case, the owner of the bakery and cafe I reviewed this week might just be the most trustworthy man in the entire Johto Region. 

"Luscious" Luc Machiano, the biggest name for lucarios in fighting for years, has retired his fighting gear and taken up oven mitts and a whisk instead, while his family bakery, "For the Love of Poffins" has delighted guests for several years now for the rich flavors of its poffins, the creative and beautiful display of its products and the absolutely unapologetic size and amount of sugar and butter Luscious Luc uses in his recipes— which isn't a criticism. The day that Snorri Lux of Snorri Savors restaurant reviews snubs a cook for using sugar and butter in their cooking is the day that they will have to put me in the ground, dear readers.

Luc himself has a lot to recommend him as a host— He is warm and friendly without being obtrusive, entertaining without being bombastic, and he is one of the few pastry chefs to make me look skinny. I don't normally comment on the physical appearance of the people whose food I critique, but with Luc, I really feel I must make an exception. He is, simply put, enormous. His belly is so large, it has sunk to the floor, and if he is behind the counter, there is no room for anyone else— he does lose some points for how often the glass on the display counters is smudged, from where his belly last was pressing down, while the rest of him is just as fat— I've never seen someone sit in an entire booth on their own, but with his thighs rounder than car tires, and his rear might have more cushioning than there are in his booths.

Before my readers think me an awful hypocrite for my description of Mr. Machiano, please understand, he sees it as a selling point. To look at him, still somehow acting like his apron can keep even a fraction of his gut covered, it is easy to believe that yes, he has tried pretty much every single confection, pastry, and sandwich he has ever made in that store. He can rattle off the ingredients and taste profiles of every single product he sells, and his enormous girth does seem to be the proof in the pudding. This lucario may never do a high kick again, but I highly doubt there will be one of such talent again anytime soon.

This great puff pastry of a lucario has indeed won my esteem and admiration; and before I leave you all hanging, I absolutely give For the Love of Poffins my full-throated recommendation. It is a hidden gem of a bakery in Goldenrod City, and you owe it to yourself to try one. Though be warned, Luc does not believe in eating light— these desserts and poffins are rich in flavor and calories, and unless you want to end up looking like Mr. Machiano, boulder belly and all, I would recommend saving your trips to this establishment for special occasions when only the very best will do— your hemline will thank me for encouraging restraint.

As for the taste, what can one say? That sugar and butter in such generous amounts is certainly putting in the effort, because the poffins Luc has been making in fresh batches are the taste equivalent of a warm hug from a dear friend. His signature, the pastry he sells the most of, is the mixed berry poffin, made with generous amounts of freshly harvested bluk and nanab berries. It is always served warm, and each table is equipped with a butter dish and honey jar— no to-go plastic tubs served here. Luc has poured his considerable wealth from all his fight prizes into making the bakery feel like the home of a beloved relative, coaxing you to relax and most certainly have more than one.

If there is one part of the bakery that stands as lackluster, it is perhaps the coffee. This was self-admitted by Mr. Machiano; he bemoaned the fact that he lacked the skill to be a truly talented barista, and while my caramel frappe was perfectly serviceable, it was far diminished because it had to stand in comparison to Mr. Machiano's baking; one supposes, when one is as large as this lucario, it is far more palatable to fill one's enormous belly up with sugary pastries than it is gallons of coffee.

But his poffins and other pastries, as well as his prodigious size and mass, are not the only thing that impresses about For the Love of Poffins. While his coffee offerings are only adequate, Mr. Machiano also offers custom cakes and deliveries. Before my arrival, he challenged me with a custom cake to test his bakery's skills— Very well, I said. I told Mr. Machiano to try his chops at Opera Cake— one of the hardest classic cakes to make. Thin almond sponge cake, soaked in coffee cream, coffee buttercream, and a dark chocolate ganache. The man went and made one of the best Opera Cakes I've ever tried— apparently after several attempts that he had eaten, given how stretched out his shirt was from last night when we performed our introductory interview. Luc had not only created my Opera Cake, he had placed it in a beautifully made, spherical chocolate shell, then painted with confectioner's dye to look like a poké ball. 

Despite not reaching exact perfection, I have no choice but reward Mr. Machiano not only my highest recommendation, but congratulate him for his award as Goldenrod City's Best Bakery. Mr. Machiano was thrilled to hear the news, and promised he had big plans for further expansion— one can only wonder if he means franchises, improving his coffee selection, or indeed, himself.