Julius Rictor - Chapter 48 - Born Anew

“You’re very pretty,” I said to her. “You prefer Scarlet over Felix now, yes?”

“Sort of,” Scarlet said. “I remember that life, but I can’t say it was me.” She looked at her hands. “Not when I’ve been so clearly separated like this.” She smiled. “I guess it means I was always a distinct person. Just burdened with the memories of an old past.”

Her eyes went glossy for a moment. She didn’t speak for a while, then let out a low breath.

“Maybe life would have been better without those memories,” she whispered.

“Do you regret your life?” I asked.

Scarlet paused. She looked up, twirling the ends of her hair. “I don’t know.” She glanced at me. “And it’s not my place to decide that. I’m dead.”

“And yet you still look gorgeous.”

“Ha!” Scarlet scoffed. “Funny.” She looked me over, then her expression went blank. “Why did you accept our past? You could have erased it.”

“I wouldn’t exist without the things I went through, good and bad.” I smiled sadly. My fingers dug into my chest. “All of Felix’s thoughts and feelings are mine now. All his pain and worry. Betrayal. Loss.” I thumped my heart. “It’s all mine and mine alone. My burden to carry forth. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I peered at Scarlet with a smile. “I want to do the same for you. Show me your life.”

Scarlet said nothing. She just eyed me curiously.

Then, she dissolved into smoke. 

I watched scenes of her earlier life play out. Years of planning, waiting for her body to grow enough to move it. Sneaking into the library. Learning about Chosen Children. Hearing about the tragedy of her parents and their inability to have children. The pressure and sadness placed on Scarlet. The audit of Chosen Child status by the Temple. Her confirmation in front of the city.

The humble memories warmed my heart. Compared to Felix’s earlier life, the feelings and thoughts associated with everything felt so sweet and gentle, just tinged with anxiety.

At one point, the smoke creating the memories settled. Scarlet was between six and seven years old. She sat with her mother on a bench on their castle property, overlooking the water that surrounded their little island. A guard stood nearby, but he left enough space for them to talk with at least some privacy.

“How was the tea party yesterday?” her mother asked. “Did you make any new friends?”

“Not really,” Scarlet said with a tone and bluntness unbecoming of a child her age. “It’s hard to connect with any of them.”

“How so?” There was a touch of worry in her mother’s voice. 

“I don’t have a lot in common with them.” Scarlet played with her hair. She quickly rubbed her tongue across her lip as if she were nervous. Instinctively, she shielded her body. “No one really likes the same things I do.” She hesitated for a moment, as if choosing her words carefully. “I think it’ll be hard for me to connect with anyone for a while because I’m a Chosen Child.”

The pained expression on her mother’s face spoke volumes. Scarlet didn’t see this. Her back was still nervously turned to her, as if Scarlet were expecting to get yelled at. 

Instead, her mother gently put her hand on her head and started rubbing. Scarlet’s eyes flew open, and she turned to her mom. She looked so confused. It crushed my heart. 

“Just keep trying,” she said softly to her daughter. “You’ll find the right people someday. Keep your heart open to them.”

She pulled Scarlet’s head down and let it rest in her lap. She softly played with her hair, humming to herself. Her eyes never left her daughter’s head. I could tell she truly treasured her more than even her own life.

Scarlet didn’t see this. She only looked ahead and saw what she wanted to see. She was uneasy. Her thoughts were bouncing in every direction, contemplating the future and wondering when the backlash would start. 

“…I don’t want to keep trying,” Scarlet whispered.

“But you will,” said her mom firmly. “You can’t be alone.”

The scene blew apart.

Numerous more parties danced before my eyes. Her relationship with her family changed. It grew more tense as her antisocial behavior persisted.

I can’t blame her for feeling that way. Getting close to others only led to pain.

And yet even Scarlet began to feel lonely. Then, she made friends. Flecks of joy speckled the memories with Remi, Nigel, and Alexander. The walls she kept up eroded, and slowly, she trusted them even though her heart begged her not to.

More memories passed. 

Her training with Talbert. Developing that bond. She saw him as another father, one she could more easily connect with than her own. He helped her get a Divine Treat and independence. Stuck up for her when she needed support.

And she continued to train. To fall in love with her friends. To fight and learn from them. They became her family.

In her memories, Scarlet felt hope and traces of the freedom she desperately wanted more than anything else. Even if she didn’t fully realize it.

“There were glimmers of darkness in a bountiful expression of hopeful light,” I said loudly, hoping Scarlet could hear me. I knew she could. “You deserved it, given what you went through in your last life.”

No response. 

Scarlet got older. She went to more events. While the people around her matured, they still weren’t at her level, and she still didn’t trust them. Years of sword training. Years of training her gifts. Her fights with her parents grew more frequent as she became a woman.

The smoke lingered on every little instance. 

Patterns began to develop when she turned fifteen. Men started approaching her. Based on the colors of her emotions, the attention frightened her. It made sense with what I knew. I couldn’t have imagined being in her shoes with those complex feelings. Being a woman and its connotations became front and center, already morphing her fragile identity and sense of worth.

She fought with her mother more and more. Her parents grew more tense. Both parties seemed to be holding something back. It fundamentally changed their family relationship, making it more combative. Scarlet fought and protested every event while her family became more adamant about dismissing her whims.

Confusion about the self. Hormones. A traumatic past. Combative parents. No wonder she was like that.

At seventeen, one event stood out.

Scarlet’s parents were hosting an event in Castle Grey for Count Roswell, who technically managed Water’s Bastion along with three other nearby territories. He rarely ever visited the Bastion territories, though. Only to collect taxes, it seemed. 

His son, Viscount Roswell, was with him at the event. The boy had been spurned by Scarlet at her Chosen Child ceremony when she was younger. It was one of the last times they’d seen each other.

Baron Embers was giving a passionate speech about friendship beside Count Roswell, who joined in with equally powerful words. Both were masters of the tongue, easily able to compel large crowds. Several merchants and notable upper-class locals from the surrounding towns attended.

Scarlet was forced to stand politely next to Viscount Roswell, now in his early twenties. He looked more refined than he did when he was younger. His brown hair was more polished, his skin clear, and his clothes more regal. He certainly looked like a nobleman. It was a vast difference from how he was as a kid, ordering Scarlet at five to marry him in front of her parents.

“May our friendship continue!” Count Roswell said to Baron Embers, raising his glass high.

Baron Embers copied his gesture. “To our friendship!”

They clinked glasses, and the room erupted into roars.

Scarlet visibly sighed. Her eyes darted around like she was looking for some sort of place to escape to.

Viscount Roswell leaned in close to Scarlet’s ear, discreetly. “You look lovely today,” he said softly. “I wish I could have told you sooner.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Scarlet replied curtly. She basically ignored him. Her eyes darted about. “Bring out the drinks already,” she hissed to herself. “I’m dying here.”

Viscount Roswell’s expression distorted for a brief moment, then shifted softly. “We could look for one together? I’m quite thirsty myself. Besides, I’ve wanted to talk to you, if you don’t mind.”

Scarlet peered at Viscount Roswell. For a while. Then relented. “Of course, my lord. I’d be honored.” She dragged the words out through her teeth, like it hurt to speak.

Behind the two of them, I saw Baron Embers eyeing them carefully. It was one thing to berate Viscount Roswell when they were both children. It was another to do it now, as adults in the larger noble society. The disgrace would hold more weight. Baron Embers knew this. Unfortunately, Scarlet knew this as well.

Viscount Roswell put out his arm. Scarlet, looking like she was debating biting through her tongue, grabbed it. He escorted her throughout the room, chatting to her about inconsequential things while Scarlet mindlessly nodded along. 

“This is hard to watch,” I muttered, arms crossed and following them slowly from behind. “Isn’t this still better than what your life was like before? I suppose that’s not up to me to decide.”

Viscount Roswell found drinks, and Scarlet took them greedily. She had twelve, which fascinated the Viscount as much as it offended him. It was evident on his face. 

“We should find someplace more secluded to chat,” the Viscount said. They had effectively broken the ice. Pleasantries were gone. He had business with her, clearly.

“Let’s get your little revenge speech over with,” Scarlet complained. 

She pulled him along until they were out of the main hall and into the hallway. She pulled him along, turned left down a corridor, and stopped immediately. They could still hear the party, but there were now very few guests. They could speak freely. 

Viscount Roswell looked Scarlet up and down. She wore a conservative green dress that covered her entire body, leaving only her arms and her legs below the knee bare. Still, with how her body was developing, it was so tight it left little to the imagination. It pleased him as much as it disgusted Scarlet, who obviously hated wearing it. 

“You look lovely,” he reaffirmed.

“What is it you want, my lord?” Scarlet asked, looking up into his eyes. He was a head taller than her, but she showed not an ounce of fear.

Viscount Roswell’s eyes drooped. “Respect would be nice. Your tone has been rude all night. I’m a man and a viscount. I outrank you. You’d do right to remember that.”

“Ah, well, if that’s all you had to say.” Scarlet bowed deeply, grabbing the hem of her dress. “I apologize for my attitude, and I’ll reflect on my actions.” She popped back up with a smile. “Satisfied?”

Viscount Roswell grabbed Scarlet by the shoulders and slammed her into the wall. He pinned one of her hands by her head. He had venom in his gaze, like he wanted to bite through Scarlet’s throat.

“You humiliated me as a child, and you disrespect me today,” he spat. “I should have you stripped and whipped.”

“Ah, is that your fetish? How telling.”

He grabbed her face, smushing her cheeks. “It would be in your best interest to please me. This castle will be mine someday.”

Scarlet scoffed. “No, it won’t.”

Viscount Roswell raised an eyebrow. He released Scarlet. “Do you not know? This is my territory.” He gestured around the castle. “My castle. This is a viscount’s throne. Your father is holding it until my father gives it to me.”

“Is that so?”

“It is.” He seemed satisfied. “I assume you’ve grown satisfied with your life here.” His hand traced the side of Scarlet’s arm. “I will need a wife when I finally take power. My offer still stands from our first meeting. Marry me. Warm my bed and please me, and I shall make you happy.” His finger traced over her chest and stopped over her breasts. “It would be best if we got to know each other beforehand, as well.”

Scarlet swatted away his hand. “I will have to decline. Luckily, no one was here to witness this, so your reputation can remain intact.” She dipped her head and tried to squeeze past him. “If you’ll excuse me.”

Viscount Roswell lashed out with a hand and stopped her again.

“I’m trying, parents. I’m trying,” Scarlet whispered to herself. But she was gritting her teeth and clenching her fists. “Is there anything else?” she asked the viscount sweetly.

“How dare you!” he spat.

“How dare I? I’ve done nothing.” Scarlet prodded his chest with one finger. “I didn’t disappoint my daddy by getting the illegitimate daughter of Marquis Harmon pregnant, then forcing her to terminate it. That was you. And the Marquis found out along with your father.” She smiled at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “That’s why you’ll never have shit. You’re a pathetic waste of skin, better off as a smear on your parents’ bed sheets.”

Viscount Roswell raised his hand, ready to strike.

Four tendrils popped out of Scarlet’s back. They grabbed his arms and legs, spun him around, and slammed him into the wall. 

Expressionlessly, she charged light energy into her hand and slammed her fist right into the wall beside his face. It poked through and popped out the back, exposing her fist to the air outside. 

“Apologies,” Scarlet said coldly. “There was a bug near your face. I hope I didn’t startle you.” She lightly tossed him to her right, releasing her gifts. Viscount Roswell stumbled and ultimately fell to his knees, shaking. “I’ll take my leave now. I appreciated the talk.”

She swiftly rounded the corner, then slammed her back against the wall.

“I’m so tired of this shit,” she muttered. Her gaze shot up. “I can’t keep doing this. I don’t know what else to do.”

The scene exploded into smoke. 

Events and training flashed before my eyes. Scarlet wasn’t really doing anything. There was no goal she was actively pursuing, no dream she had. There were scattered glances toward something more, but it all felt hollow.

“It’s like you gave up on believing you could be more than you were before,” I muttered.

The world flashed red with pain for a very brief instance. Scarlet’s anxiety raced through me. My words triggered her. I felt that.

“Why would you assume there is anything wrong with that?” I asked louder. “It was just an observation. If you ask me, you found something more valuable. Care to hear it?”

No response.

“Then I shall remark upon it later,” I conceded. “Please, continue.”

More memories passed. Based on the tenor of the scenes and the information my mind suddenly became privy to, Scarlet became anxious just before her eighteenth birthday.

As if on cue, the world shifted. It was a full scene, indicating another of several impact moments I’d already witnessed before. 

“I’m not dealing with this anymore,” Scarlet told herself. She was stuffing jewelry into a bag, along with some of her finer clothes. A dark cloak covered her, and she had her hair tucked deep within.

It was night out in this vision. 

Scarlet turned to her bedroom window, bag secured to her body, and jumped out. Her dark gifts guided her down with restrained tendrils. On the ground, she swiftly evaded all the guards, hopped over the main wall around the estate, and fled through the main gate from the island Castle Grey was on into Water’s Bastion. All it took was a simple guard distraction, and she made it across unseen.

“I think it would be better to leave the country,” Scarlet told herself as she navigated the busy night streets of the city. People were out drinking and eating, moving en masse to celebrate the end of another day. “Start over fresh. New name. New life. Clean slate.”

Oh?

Scarlet made it easily to the edge of town without anyone talking to her, and passed the checkpoint exiting the city without issue. It led her to a road out of town that split north and south. She headed north toward Brosnock.

“I’ll get as far as I can, then camp out in the woods. I should divert east a bit, then move north,” she told herself. “Or maybe I should go far east? Viorna is constantly at war. That might be a good place for me. I can fight my way through the Bleeding Rocks to test myself. Might not be a bad idea.”

She walked along alone. For a few moments, she’d let the silence of the world settle in around her and bask in it. Then, she’d start muttering to herself again just as quickly.

“Maybe I should go south.” She stopped in the middle of the street and turned around. “Who knows what would happen if I illegally entered another country and got caught? I know the history and culture of Zalevet very well. There are plenty of out-of-the-way towns I could live in and build a life.”

Nodding, she headed south now, confident.

Silence.

Then, talking again.

“What would I even do, though?” she asked herself, annoyed. “I don’t see myself starting a family. If I’m too popular with my gifts, I’ll probably get found. I don’t think I can stay in this country.” Her gaze went east again. “War-torn country it is.”

She headed north again. It seemed there was probably a road that split further east up ahead.

She was quiet again.

Then, after a moment, she screamed and threw her bag on the ground. Hard.

“I’m such a goddamned loser!” She kicked the bag and began walking in circles, gripping her head. “I don’t know what the hell I want to do!”

She quickly sat down and hugged her legs in the middle of the road.

“If I could be one thing, what would it be?” she asked herself. That sentence was suspended in silence. She started chewing on her fingernails. “Why can’t I answer the question?”

She stayed there for a really long time thinking. After a while, she stood up.

“I just wanted to matter,” she whispered. She cast her gaze toward Water’s Bastion. It was still visible in the distance. “I wanted people to care about me.” She bit her lip. “I have that here. With Remi and Alexander and Nigel.” She tensed. “Maybe the Baron and his wife.” She shook her head and stared forward. “Talbert. So many people care about me here.”

The longest stretch of silence happened after those words. I thought something had gone wrong with the memory.

Scarlet marched back toward the city without a word. “I don’t want to leave my home again,” she whispered. “No matter how bad it gets.”

The memory faded into fog.

I saw her engagement. Through her memories, I met Christopher Zalevet and Gai Regal. They both had their flaws and charms, but Gai had a pull to him that I, even without Scarlet’s full memories, found fascinating.

Their duel was intense, and Gai won. In a moment of weakness, she climbed onto a ledge again. The night in New York flashed inside her mind. But the same feelings didn’t take her. The memory felt like certainty, rather than fear. Like she was confirming she’d changed. I don’t know if she knew she felt that way then. Perhaps I was interpreting it wrong. 

She and Gai bonded. They became close friends over several months, dueling and leaning on each other. Both had scars in their hearts. 

They met the Voiced together. Even when she revealed her past, Gai did not coerce or blame her. He became a quiet foundation. I slowly started to respect him more and more the longer I got to know him through the memories. Scarlet revealed pieces of herself to him she’d never felt comfortable telling anyone before. Her trauma. Her fears. 

She’d never had someone like that to lean on in either life. Perhaps she was in love. Maybe she was confusing that for friendship. Absent the familiar feeling, it was no wonder Scarlet was confused. 

The atmosphere felt warm in those moments. Like I was being gently lifted out of a dark, spiraling darkness my mind had grown too accustomed to.

The Guild. Monsters. Synborn. Serial killer. Identity. Self-worth. Promises. Reconciling with her family. Admitting her parents loved her. Allowing herself to try and love them. War. Purpose. Nigel’s death. Killing for the first time.

Dying the second time. 

Scarlet and I both stood over her body. The one watching with me looked perfectly fine, her red dress pristine and her body healthy.

The one below us was battered, bruised, and cut in half at the waist. One of her eyes was gone. Most of her blood was in the grass, and several of her organs were outside her body.

But she had a smile on her face.

The living Scarlet, the one I joined in her memories, crouched down and peered into her own face. “Was it all a waste?”

“Absolutely not.”

Scarlet looked up at me with half-closed eyes. “How can you say that given what you saw?” She looked back at her face. “I was fine with my death. It served a purpose. I gave my life for another. The path along the way… I have regrets.”

“Felix did, too.”

“This life was supposed to be better.” Scarlet got up and turned away. The body at her feet faded. It was just the two of us suspended in that space of white nothingness. 

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” I replied.

Scarlet suddenly glared at me. “What do you know? You’re not even a person. You’ve never lived. You’re a sentient concept as inexperienced as a newborn.”

I laughed. “Yes, that seems to be the case, but I don’t think I’m wrong here.” I tapped my temple. “I’ve got one lifetime in my head. All of it. It’s enough to know that, which means you know that, too.”

Scarlet turned away.

“You didn’t waste your second chance,” I said softly.

Scarlet looked down. I couldn’t see her face.

“Were you happy?”

Her body tensed. 

“That’s all Felix wanted,” I said. “Lofty goals aside, that’s what you deserved.” I walked toward her and put my hands on her shoulders, looking her right in the eyes. “It’s what we deserved. It may not have been an epic story of grand proportions. Your goals were messy. You made mistakes. You failed. But you know what? You lived.”

Scarlet’s body shuddered. Tears welled in her eyes.

“You were born into this world. You affected the people around you, even if your name is forgotten in one hundred years. Big or small, you live. You were here. We were here. Even if our story ended today, it’d be a good ending. Because we lived, Scarlet. And we loved. And we cried. And tried. Goddammit, we tried.” My vision blurred with water. “We lived.” I smiled as tears fell down my cheeks. “Didn’t we?”

Scarlet was bawling, but she smiled through the tears as well. “Yeah… we lived… and I was… happy…”

We hugged each other.

“I’m going to miss everyone so much,” she wept. “I don’t want to go! I don’t want to die!”

“You won’t.” I gently patted her head. “Because I’m you and you are me.”

She faded into me like particles of golden light. All her memories solidified in my mind as my own. Our own.

“And we’ll keep on living,” I whispered.

The white surroundings shattered into millions of pieces. They fell away, revealing the endless blue sky and wispy clouds I woke up in.

“Exceptional,” Proxy said. She appeared within the shards, forming fully when all the white was gone. “No hesitation at all.”

“Why would I hesitate?”

“You would be surprised,” she replied, intrigued. “Sometimes, the ideal version of ourselves is not so forgiving of who we are.”

“I can imagine.” I looked down for a brief moment. Scarlet’s and Felix’s memories were still settling in my mind. I winced and looked up. “What’s next? Given what I know of my second life, the fact that we’re even talking means something within me is special to some degree?” My eyes narrowed. “The Chosen are the Voiced, aren’t they?”

Proxy smiled. “They are.”

“Then I’ve become one?”

“You passed the final hurdle. So yes.” She gestured toward me. “Though if you’d rejected your past lives, you’d have ceased to exist. There would be no ‘you’ to fill this shell you created.”

“Ha! So I’m still a shell?” I asked rather roughly.

“No.” Proxy was suddenly in front of me. I didn’t see her move. It was as if reality suddenly decided to move her elsewhere. Closer. “You are something new entirely. Someone new. Unburdened by the past, yet keenly aware of it. If you had to answer, who are you? Felix? Or Scarlet?”

I frowned. “I’m me.”

Proxy’s eyes lit up. “Exactly!” She placed her hand on my chest. Golden energy blossomed in her fingertips and spread throughout my entire body.

So warm…

“Your rebellious soul, which sacrificed itself for others, showed us the nobility of the greatest among you,” Proxy chanted. Her voice echoed and layered upon itself. “The Gods see you. They acknowledge you. They dub you their champion.” She paused. “Oh noble heart, wild and passionate, raw and scarred—a person who amasses powers from others. Your strength is your bonds. Your yearning for connection is your power.”

She pulled her hand back.

My body began to shake and change. The energy solidified, and I started to turn into something real.

“The Blessing of Life claims you,” Proxy said. “It shall guide your power.”

My skin materialized. It was noticeably pale and feminine. The nails on my fingers and toes turned black and sharpened into pointed tips.

My hair grew exceptionally long. The bangs around my face tickled my eyes. The color formed into solid white. 

I felt myself grow. My muscles softened. My waist cinched, my hips expanded, and my breasts firmed up. Every bone in my body shifted and restructured, from the soles of my feet to my face. Something sprouted out of my backside, just at the end of my spine. My ears shrank as something sprouted from atop my head.

Energy burst within me.

I felt it in my eyes first, then in the new appendage at my back.

Everything settled.

I looked at myself. I was noticeably paler, like I’d never been outside my entire life. My stomach was noticeably thin and toned, with a strong V-cut and the beginnings of a six-pack. My thighs were plumper, but they looked toned. My boobs were noticeably bigger than before I died. And they were perkier. Odd.

Looking behind me, curious, there was a white bushy tail wagging involuntarily behind me. 

I stared at it. My fingers instinctively touched it. It was extremely soft, like high-end fur from an animal raised and praised in absolute care and bliss its entire life.

“Wait.” I blinked. “No!”

The next moment, I touched the top of my head. Two large, pointed ears sat on top. Likewise, the ears on the sides of my head were gone. Combine all that with the way my toenails and fingernails had turned into claws, and I barely seemed human.

“Am I a cat person?” I uttered, eyes wide. My gaze shot to Proxy. “Am I a furry?!”

Felix’s and Scarlet’s vocabulary and references were now fully synced in my head.

“No, you’re technically part fox,” Proxy said. “Those blessed by Life develop animalistic features. It’s curious.” She eyed me. “How fascinating you are.”

“What other blessings are there?”

“Power. Spirit. Truth. Form,” Proxy rattled them off slowly. “Those are the other four beyond yourself. Most receive the Blessing of Spirit.”

“And they become?”

Proxy smiled. “The world is more interesting when you figure things out for yourself. But I do have things to tell you about yourself.”

“I guess that’s fine.”

“But first.” Proxy held up a finger. “What is your name?”

I crinkled my nose. “My name? It’s…”

Neither Felix nor Scarlet fit. It felt like there was a correct answer within me. The newly formed power in my body felt unsettled, like it was waiting for my answer. 

I thought for a while. 

“Eden,” I whispered.

The power within me solidified. A blast of euphoria tingled every nerve in my body. I felt complete. My memories fully synced. My emotions. My body. All of it.

I was born anew. 

“Excellent,” Proxy acknowledged. “Eden it is. Why?”

“I want to create a world where people can live happy and free, as impossible as that may seem,” I explained. “Eden.”

“A good name.” She nodded. “Be warned, the blessing does not come without a price. Your powers have changed. You will experience new, complex emotions and thoughts now that Life has made you one of its champions.” She stared at me, emphasizing her words and their power. “It is your dominion to control now.”

I clenched my jaw.

Proxy stepped forward, relaxing. “Do your best. Fight the Synborn. Resist the Demons. Change the world. Make it a better place. We know you can do this. It’s why you are here.” She placed her hand in the middle of my chest. I felt her energy connect with my spirit as equals, rather than unlocking or giving it power. “You will—”

She jolted and stepped back, pulling her hand away. She stared at me, confused. 

“Who are you?” she asked.

The heavens brightened. An outside power beyond the two of us intervened, casting us into a blinding nothingness.

I blinked.

And blinked.

And blinked.

Suddenly, I was staring up at trees. The sky was so blue.

Two people stood over me. It was Gai and Remi. 

I was back.